by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
