I think I am morally bankrupt
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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