I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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