No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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