I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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