Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
