I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
