bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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