I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
