Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Text me some of your sweat
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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