She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
