so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
ok first of all what the fuck
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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