The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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