Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
