Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
