i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
