Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
