im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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