Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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