You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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