Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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