how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
