I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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