so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
