please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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