How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
