I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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