i was born a porn star she said
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The power of my boobs compel you
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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