I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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