the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
