He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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