didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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