Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
