Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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