if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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