trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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