dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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