If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
