if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
