forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
