She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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