How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
