im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
