Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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