My Higher Power is John Stamos
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
