More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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