It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
