I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
