his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
