I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize