Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
