So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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