Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
