apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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