You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
