I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
