Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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