everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
