Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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