I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
