Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
