i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
