your parents love me but you hate me
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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