Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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