its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so let's talk penis.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
