Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I woke up under a house in Key West
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
