I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
