You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
