went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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