It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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