I think im going to throw up on grandma
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
