is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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