what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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